"I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see
I sought my God, but my God eluded me
I sought my brother and i found all three"
- Author unknown
I miss you ! Going home for diwali. This time you would've come to receive me...
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Storm
Tears fall like raindrops from heaven, My heart cries for your soul.
Feel my pain when the bolt of lightning strikes from the hands of the evil.
Hear my cries in the shriek of the wind.Wailing, mourning.
My emotions, a turmoil inside. Rise like the whirlpool in a tormented sea.
My mind, lost in thought, like a lonely little boat caught in the storm, living on a prayer, desperate to reach the shore.
My heart beat increases with every rising wave striking the little boat, trying to crush with every blow.
My pale body trembles against the cold dark night.
Is there no man mighty enough ? To predict this tempest, Its coming or end?
Is there no man mighty enough ? to fight nature, just like his end ?
The thunder so loud, like Satan laughing at the helpless sailor fighting for his life , urging him to give up.
And then like death , all is calm , all is quiet .
I look around, "Oh! Have I lost ?" I ask my Lord .
But strangely I feel golden. If this is the end, it seems better than life itself.
And then I feel your soul embrace mine.
I feel strong again. I have conquered my fears.
I see two souls in me, yours and mine. You never left my side. You never will...
The starry sky clears, the night as warm as it can be and the moon shines with all its might .Darkness bows down to the heaven. The Devil stands alone, his head hanging in shame.
The boat sails smoothly again.
Feel my pain when the bolt of lightning strikes from the hands of the evil.
Hear my cries in the shriek of the wind.Wailing, mourning.
My emotions, a turmoil inside. Rise like the whirlpool in a tormented sea.
My mind, lost in thought, like a lonely little boat caught in the storm, living on a prayer, desperate to reach the shore.
My heart beat increases with every rising wave striking the little boat, trying to crush with every blow.
My pale body trembles against the cold dark night.
Is there no man mighty enough ? To predict this tempest, Its coming or end?
Is there no man mighty enough ? to fight nature, just like his end ?
The thunder so loud, like Satan laughing at the helpless sailor fighting for his life , urging him to give up.
And then like death , all is calm , all is quiet .
I look around, "Oh! Have I lost ?" I ask my Lord .
But strangely I feel golden. If this is the end, it seems better than life itself.
And then I feel your soul embrace mine.
I feel strong again. I have conquered my fears.
I see two souls in me, yours and mine. You never left my side. You never will...
The starry sky clears, the night as warm as it can be and the moon shines with all its might .Darkness bows down to the heaven. The Devil stands alone, his head hanging in shame.
The boat sails smoothly again.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
For you...
(I wrote this on April 8,2010)
I don't know where to find you
and where to look for you
Since you've been gone,
I feel so lost
I don't know what to do
I keep looking out my window
From where you'd always call
its been one month ,
you still haven't come
Don't you miss me at all?
I miss the hugs, I miss the laughs
The secrets that we shared
But your support,
I miss the most
I feel weak and scared.
I miss the fights, I miss being laughed at
I miss being ordered about
And I miss seeing mom scold you
when i would cry and shout.
I miss your love, I miss the talks
there's so much I miss about you
I miss being the baby
I miss being protected
I feel so insecure, I need you.
I hide my tears, I try to be strong
For you, For mom and dad
But I wish you were here right now
to hug, to make me understand.
I hope you're happy wherever you are
And you're spreading love, like you always did,
You are always in our hearts
Your memories, we'll always cherish.
I hope you know that I love you
Even though I never told you so.
You're the best Dear brother ,
But I guess God loved you more...
I don't know where to find you
and where to look for you
Since you've been gone,
I feel so lost
I don't know what to do
I keep looking out my window
From where you'd always call
its been one month ,
you still haven't come
Don't you miss me at all?
I miss the hugs, I miss the laughs
The secrets that we shared
But your support,
I miss the most
I feel weak and scared.
I miss the fights, I miss being laughed at
I miss being ordered about
And I miss seeing mom scold you
when i would cry and shout.
I miss your love, I miss the talks
there's so much I miss about you
I miss being the baby
I miss being protected
I feel so insecure, I need you.
I hide my tears, I try to be strong
For you, For mom and dad
But I wish you were here right now
to hug, to make me understand.
I hope you're happy wherever you are
And you're spreading love, like you always did,
You are always in our hearts
Your memories, we'll always cherish.
I hope you know that I love you
Even though I never told you so.
You're the best Dear brother ,
But I guess God loved you more...
Friday, October 8, 2010
One of those days
And today is one of those days, when hearing your name made me cry... Usually it brings a smile on my face, a twinkle in my eyes, reminiscing our childhood, our memories. Sigh! The good old days.Yes, they were. Never to return.
Oh the naughty sheen in your eyes, The innocent smile. I remember mom telling us when we fought, You both act like you're 9 or 10 . And we'd just giggle, and go back to do justice to our heated argument. I slapped you, you punched me, I kicked u, you slapped me back...Ouch! now it hurt! "Mom !!!! bhai hit me !" and then she'd scold us both and we'd forget about our fight, team up, and scream at mom "you're always on
his/her side". (giggle) How i miss those days...
You were always the big hearted, cool and carefree kinds...And me, I have always been the bundle of nerves. Never like to share my things with others. The curious one, always want to know everything, what's going on in whose life, what is everyone upto...And I would always come back and tell you about my latest findings. No one else. But you...only you. And you'd listen to me patiently, and then laugh at me for being such a gossip queen...Drama queen. But still... And now , I have no one to talk to, no one to share my opinions with, no one to laugh with, no one to fight with. And no one laughs at me, troubles me, bosses me around (obviously you wouldn't want anyone to. Its your prerogative, not theirs!).
And your tastes, just the finest ! No compromises whatsoever! And your knowledge about the world, something I am so proud of! I can never be like you, even though I wish i could. Your music collection...You always made me hear the new songs, whenever I hear any new song, I can only think of you.
Your books. Your movies. Your documentaries. Your clothes. I have always loved the old hand-me-downs!
And lets not forget our "gedis". Flashing Lights. Punjabi music. As soon as I'd start singing , you'd turn it off. And all the songs I liked were "gay" or "girlie" . But we've had some of our best conversations then.
You taught me how to drive. Dad couldn't teach me, he never had the patience to...only you could.
In fact you're the best driver I know. Driving was your passion. A passion that took you so far away from us. :(
I miss you so much! And I never want to forget you! You're my idol , my inspiration. I want to be like you.
I wish I could ! But I know I can't. Nobody can. You're one of a kind. We don't know what to do without you, where to find you, where to look for you. Please come back !
Oh the naughty sheen in your eyes, The innocent smile. I remember mom telling us when we fought, You both act like you're 9 or 10 . And we'd just giggle, and go back to do justice to our heated argument. I slapped you, you punched me, I kicked u, you slapped me back...Ouch! now it hurt! "Mom !!!! bhai hit me !" and then she'd scold us both and we'd forget about our fight, team up, and scream at mom "you're always on
his/her side". (giggle) How i miss those days...
You were always the big hearted, cool and carefree kinds...And me, I have always been the bundle of nerves. Never like to share my things with others. The curious one, always want to know everything, what's going on in whose life, what is everyone upto...And I would always come back and tell you about my latest findings. No one else. But you...only you. And you'd listen to me patiently, and then laugh at me for being such a gossip queen...Drama queen. But still... And now , I have no one to talk to, no one to share my opinions with, no one to laugh with, no one to fight with. And no one laughs at me, troubles me, bosses me around (obviously you wouldn't want anyone to. Its your prerogative, not theirs!).
And your tastes, just the finest ! No compromises whatsoever! And your knowledge about the world, something I am so proud of! I can never be like you, even though I wish i could. Your music collection...You always made me hear the new songs, whenever I hear any new song, I can only think of you.
Your books. Your movies. Your documentaries. Your clothes. I have always loved the old hand-me-downs!
And lets not forget our "gedis". Flashing Lights. Punjabi music. As soon as I'd start singing , you'd turn it off. And all the songs I liked were "gay" or "girlie" . But we've had some of our best conversations then.
You taught me how to drive. Dad couldn't teach me, he never had the patience to...only you could.
In fact you're the best driver I know. Driving was your passion. A passion that took you so far away from us. :(
I miss you so much! And I never want to forget you! You're my idol , my inspiration. I want to be like you.
I wish I could ! But I know I can't. Nobody can. You're one of a kind. We don't know what to do without you, where to find you, where to look for you. Please come back !
Friday, October 1, 2010
I wish To be me again...
I wish to be the girl I was 6 months back...
Losing what I treasured the most, made me lose myself. I look in the mirror but i don't see me. The girl looks like me, alright. But then it isn't me. Her thoughts are not mine. Her facial expression doesn't belong to the girl I knew, the girl I was. I wish to be the kid I was 6 months back . I wish to be the soft, sensitive and innocent little girl I liked being. Not the hardened piece of rock i have become...
And there is only one path I see. A path that I don't want to follow , but I am forced to. No option of turning back. There's no time to stop and stare. The pit gets deeper and deeper. The more I try to hold on, the deeper I fall .
Truth has lost all meaning. The darkness grows. So do the complexities of life. Nothing is simple. Nothing feels right. My soul feels bare. I feel exposed. I feel empty. Nothing can fill this void you've left. Not time, Not hope, Not faith...Nothing.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I wish I could just stop, sit where I am , not move. I want to wait, wait for a sign, wait for something positive, wait for you to come back. I am turning into a monster. I am lost without my friend , my hero , my brother. Come back to where you belong, and help me trace my steps back. Help me be me again... Help us be us. You are all that I had. I love you.
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